Sunday

Feeling the pressure

Lately I have been putting so much pressure on myself to do ... everything. 
Motherhood is one big juggling act. Trying to balance being a mother, being a wife, being a cleaner, being an employee, being a chef, being myself ... it is in actual fact impossible. Impossible to successfully carry out every task on my current to do list. And on top of all that I'm trying to find the energy to be creative and try to write, paint, sew and blog ... as well as trying to rest.
It is not going to plan.
For years now I've forced myself to be creative, because I am and I can, but motivating myself is the hard part. Now more than ever I feel I need to get my projects going, so my dreams can finally begin and I can have my home business but I am just so bloody tired. Mentally.
I absolutely do not understand how the inspiring mama's on my Instagram feed do it. I know it's not 'all what it seems' BUT they're doing it!! I can't even bring myself to sit at my sewing machine lately.
I get waves of inspiration and urges to sew or paint but those phases soon wear off, probably because I have used up all my energy for the month in one go! I manage to get a good amount of creative work done but then it comes to a halt.
The most frustrating thing is that I have (most) of the materials to create art, I have the space and the time (Nap times and evenings!) but I lack the most important thing - spirit. Enthusiasm perhaps.

I have been in the same predicament for years. I am fired up and I'm doing it and then I have lull and just lose my magic. I arranged to start my Maternity leave a whole month before Olive's due date just so I can focus on my creative time. Peaceful, quiet, slow, relaxing time to concentrate wholeheartedly on re-launching my virtual shop and filling it with sweet lavender scented gifts. But it didn't happen. I begun it of course, but something was telling me to stop. To enjoy the peace, slow moments and rest. Visit friends and watch films and eat all the festive treats in front of the Christmas tree. Alone.
The same thing happened last year. With the last of my Maternity pay I bought so much festive fabric to create wonderful Christmassy treats to sell and I was so excited. I started straight away. I spent evenings creating the perfect patterns before sewing up my wares and I successfully created a basket full of tree decorations and other Christmas essentials. But I didn't do it all in time, I hadn't produced enough to sell, not online anyway. A few loved ones purchased some but only those who knew about it. I didn't push myself hard enough, and now I'm exactly in the same spot as I was last year. In abundance of festive fabric with no motivation to start again. All I want to do is admit defeat, tell myself that perhaps it's not my time. Just let my mind and body rest like it's asking me to do but the Christmas range that I so desperately want to put out to the world will go to waste, like all my other dreams.
To top it all off I handed my notice in at work last week, but not to focus on my projects- MrTTDER has that responsibility at the moment (He took the leap in the freelancing world earlier this year and we're supporting his dreams coming true). But to venture into a new role, a role where I can carry out my part time hours successfully. My current role, which I love, is impossible to maintain on part time hours. It is time for change.

I can't help but think ... what if next year we decide to try for another miniTTDER and in a year or two's times I am STILL exactly where I am. In the same rented town house, in a town I despise, with a pile of unfinished projects.
What do I even WANT to be doing, to earn money. Is it sewing? Writing and illustrating childrens books? Or is it just finally having our own home and being surrounded by mini Turton-Wall's and baking altogether, sowing seeds and slowing right down?

Universe, tell me what to do!

If anyone still comes back to visit this little semi-abandoned space of the internet, tell me, How do you keep focused? How do you motivate yourself? Do you ever feel these waves of constant questioning? Questionning your path, your purpose, your self?

All that glitters


Gold glitter push up pop! New Years eve wedding, bridesmaid gift, will you be my…
Eiffel Tower
❋ Show Me Your Mumu ❋
Take your party d├ęcor to a higher level- Float these whimsical confetti filled balloons! 12 inch clear balloons filled with super shiny, rough
Confetti Balloon / Jumbo Metallic 36 Balloon / As by knotandbow
( image source :: 1// 2// 3// 4// 5 )

On days when you don't feel quite so sparkly and you feel like your skies are gloomy and grey, open up Pinterest and scroll through ALL the glittery pins whilst listening to S Club 7 (eg. Reach, S Club party) and B*witched (C'est la vie). You will not be disappointed. In fact you will feel like opening up the craft box and smothering your cheeks and hair with the glittery stuff and dancing on your bed swishing your hair with your arms in the air. All without a damn care in the world.

This is what I did this afternoon. A different kind of self-care BUT it works! A BIG shout out to MrTTDER for telling me to turn the not-so-cheery music off and reminding me how GOOD S Club makes me feel (seriously, have you listened to their lyrics!?! They have it SPOT.ON!).

For super sparkly glittery pins, I have a whole board dedicated to it, here.

The best weekend // part two

Last weekend was my favourite. 

I wrote about the BEST Saturday (here) with my petite famille. And Sunday last week was just as special.
After a delicious healthy breakfast and a hot cup of tea, we got dressed for the day and popped our shoes on for a little family walk. We wandered down the road and further down the hill to forage some blackberries. Olive was over the moon excited to go blackberry picking. Not only because they are her most favourite fruit but because she LOVES to get involved and help. She did her best blackberry picking, only selecting the 'big ohn' (big ones) and the 'ooh joosy ohns' (juicy ones). She kept pointing at the red ones and saying 'stawburries', then shaking her head and picking the black ones. She tried to eat them straight off the stalks on a couple of occasions, but I couldn't face it, not with all the spiders and crawlies hanging out nearby.
I enjoy Olive's enthusiasm so much, she loves helping and being an independent little lady. She is really growing into her own and I am such a proud Mama.
She got excited when we told her that we're going home to make a crumble for pudding using the blackberries she picked. That is exactly what Sundays are for. Baking! And with the Summer weather being so temperamental lately, fresh-out-of-the-oven blackberry and pear crumble with hot custard is THE only way to warm our insides and get us excited for Autumn (Yay!). 
Little family adventures, the small ones, are my absolute favourite kind. All these special memories that I am so very lucky to have and to record it all too, well my heart is full at such wonder.
I had always dreamt of family life, long before Sebastian and I were together. I'd dream of what special adventures we would go on and what our house would look like, and what flowers we would grow in our cottage garden, and how sweet the village school was and how the local fetes would be so perfect and traditional.
We may not have even half of those things (yet) but I am confident we are on the right path in getting them. And wow what a magical journey. I am blessed to have such a perfect little family, my team. I have grown and helped raise a wonderful little human who is just so kind and sweet ... and a little spirited at times. If we have to rent forever, scrape by each month to give her all the good food and nappies, walk or hop on a bus to pretty places because we have no car then so be it. I am one lucky lady!

Now I'm signing off to go get some more crumble and a hot cup of tea (I made ANOTHER one on Friday and I just cannot get enough!).
Happy Sunday to you all. Tell me your plans!?