Like sitting on an empty box, with no clue what to put in it

My confused brain needed a little air today. 

I got up at eight this morning. I cleaned the whole house and did the washing, had my chicken and avocado sandwich with a cup of tea and popped into town and then for a Wagamama with NJ.
Life lately has been so hard. With my lovely Alix going travelling I have been thinking too much about my own choices and what I want in life. I don't have a connection with things here anymore. I think I need an adventure away from this place, I think I want brand new things for me, start over, a fresh, a new slate.
But decisions are not that easy. Not when you have no money and too much baggage to sort. I am so confused and I have NO idea what I want or where I want to be or who I want to do these things with.
I need someone to tell me what to do... but I know they cannot.
I also think the sunshine should come out and actually stay out so we can go for ice cream and wear t-shirts and sandals.


  1. God reading this out loud was just like "hey this is exactly what I'm going through right now." I am so bored with everything that I desperately need change, would love to just move somewhere new and start over. Here's hoping something exciting happens for us both. Cute pics btw, it's 23:36 and all I want right now is an ice lolly, haha.

  2. i feel the same, is like suddenly you don't anything for anything anymore, kind of hard sometimes! i think new starts could be a good idea, but i know is not that easy, like just to take your bags and go away.
    hope you sort it out soon. xx

  3. That s EXACTLY how I feel these days. After going on an internship I felt like it was my calling to travel; however things are not ideal and I need to work + save + build my career and I don't even know which career path to take. Thank you for letting us know that sometimes we are not alone.

    I wish you sunshine and light -- and clarity for what lies ahead for us!

    All the best,

  4. Hmm I've been in a similar situation a few times in my life. My best advice would be to make lists.

    - What do you want to do or see - travel? a new city and new career? a course?
    - How can you reach these 'goals' - it may mean working super hard and saving but if you have that goal in mind then it's easier.

  5. I can't say nothing different to all the other comments: we all feel like this sometimes. We just need some time, a walk, and a little bit of sunshine. It clears your mind -it works with me-.
    T-shirts, sandals and ice cream are also great ideas:)

  6. I second, third and forth everyone elses comments! I have been sitting down with my other half today talking about the future, and its crazy how far ahead we now have to think being adults. I would love to travel and see the world, and have adventures and do something different; but with an underpaid job this is never going to happen! I have to try for mini adventuring day trips and looking at pretty things. It's hard and can make us feel a little out of control of our destiny as things are in our way, many we can't change. However I figure we have to try and do the best we can with what we have. And a little bit of sunshine wouldn't go amiss to brighten everyones spirits. Fxx

  7. I think we all go through periods like this in our lives, in fact we do it repeatedly in fact. The good thing for you though lovely is you know you want something to change. You might not have worked out the how's and when's, but the fact that you have realised you want something to change is a good start. Yay to the sunshine, let's hope it stays. :) xx

  8. Ah me too me too me too! I really would like to go away and leave everything behind (not the cat though). I really do need to go on plenty of adventures, though I guess it's possible to have a few on home territory <3 <3 xx

  9. I've just seen this little lemon drop. Don't fear. I know it's difficult to wait and see what happens but just imagine that your life is a little knot that is slowly untangling itself. Just by wanting to change things or by looking at things differently helps to ease this knot, but it won't unravel quickly and sometimes it will catch again but if you keep doing small things, if you keep going and trying to be optimistic, it will eventually work itself better again. I've just spent the last 9 months living out of a suitcase, working three jobs and living between 3 different peoples spare rooms/couches. You're at a difficult stage of your life but you will work through it, I promise. And you've always got us to talk to. Come to London one day soon if you want a change of scenery and I'll take you for tea, :) xxxx

  10. Lovely, I was feeling the same at the start of the year. it was horrible. i honestly didnt think i would get out of the "gloom" but you always do. I think its something about being 26 and having a mid-mid life crisis. Just when you think its at its worse, thats when something comes a long and changes it all. Id say just try and wait it out. Find a good book, get into a new tv series or take up kitting. Just do something to distract your mind until that turning point finally comes. xoxo

  11. Hello dear english rose!
    I'm Priscila, from Rio de Janeiro - Brazil, and I love your blog!
    Recently, I was feeling the same as you are now. I wanted to quit my teaching job and go spend a year living in Japan, the country of origin of my husband's family. My mother was against it and it was a long journey to convince her. When I arrived in Japan, the earthquake happened (2011) and she panicked, asking me to come back. Again I fought for what I wanted and continue firm there.
    I returned last year, happily, I changed my job and now I'm doing another college.
    This was my outburst just to show you that our life is really about choices, new horizons, the desire to see new places and conquer new things. This is life!
    Know that you have an admirer here in South America!
    Kisses and hope you can realize your dreams


*Forever Love*